Lighting the Candles
The parents may each light one of two candles from which later the couple will light their unity candle.
Involving parents in the service brings a special blessing and lifts up the continuity of the generations. The groom’s father acts as best man. The parents of the groom could accompany him in, and the parents of the bride accompany her. Grandparents could be included in this also, as honored guests.
Call to Worship
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of God to join together this Man and this Woman in Holy Matrimony, which is an honorable estate, ordained of God unto the fulfilling and perfecting of the love of man and woman in mutual honor and forbearance, and in the hallowing of the home, and therefore it is not by any to be taken in hand lightly or thoughtlessly, but reverently, discreetly, soberly, and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two persons come now to be joined. Therefore, if any one of you can show any just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him/her now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold peace.
Invocation Prayer
Let us pray.
O God, who in Thy loving kindness does both begin and perfect all good things; grant top this Man and this Woman that, as by Thy holy inspiration they make their vows before Thee at this time, so by Thy grace they may be able to perform the same; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Charge to Bride and Groom
I require and charge you both, in the presence of God, that if either of you know any impediment why you may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, you do now confess it. For be ye well assured that so many as are joined together otherwise than God’s word doth allow, are not joined together by God; neither is their Matrimony lawful in His sight.
¶ The Man shall then say, as required by law, in the presence of the Authorized Person or Registrar, and two Witnesses,
* I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, A.B., †[1] may not be joined in Matrimony to C.D. ††[2]
¶ In like manner, the Woman shall say, in the presence of the same Persons,
* I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, C.D., ††
may not be joined in Matrimony to A.B. †
¶ If no impediment be alleged, the Minister shall say unto the Man, A.B.,
Wilt thou have this Woman to thy wedded Wife, to liove together according to the law of God in ht holy estate of Matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?
The Man shall answer,
I will
¶ Then shall the Minister say unto the Woman,
C.D.,
Wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded Husband, to live together according to the law of God in ht holy estate of Matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?
¶ The Woman shall answer,
I will.
¶ Then may the Minister say,
Who giveth this Woman to be married to this Man?
¶ The Father or Friend shall answer,
I do.
The Wedding Vows
¶ Then the Minister shall cause the Man with his right hand to take the Woman by her right hand, and to say after him in ht presence of the Authorized Person or Registrar, and two Witnesses,
* I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, A.B., † do take thee, C.D., †† to be my lawful wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law; and thereto I give thee my troth.
¶ Then shall they loose their hands; and the Woman, with her right hand taking the Man by his right hand, shall likewise say after the Minister, in the presence of the same Persons,
* I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, C.D., †† do take thee, A.B. † to be my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law; and thereto I give thee my troth.
Exchange of Rings
¶ Then shall they again loose their hands; and the Man shall give unto the Woman a Ring, first laying the same upon the book. And the Minister, taking the Ring, shall deliver it unto the Man, to put it upon the fourth finger of the Woman’s left hand. And the Man, holding the Ring there, shall say,
With this Ring, a token and pledge of the Vow and Covenant now made between me and thee, I wed you, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.
The Woman may give to the Man a Ring, using the same form of words.
Wedding Prayer
Then, the Minister having joined their right hands, shall say,
Forasmuch as A.B., † and C.D., †† have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have pledged their troth either to other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a Ring, and by joining of hands; I pronounce that they be Man and Wife together, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.
Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder
God the father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve and keep you; the Lord mercifully with His favour look upon you; and so full you with all spiritual benediction and grace that ye may have life everlasting. Amen.
¶ Then, all kneeling, the Minister shall say,
O Eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life; send Thy blessing upon these Thy servants, this Man and this Woman, whom we bless in Thy Name; that thy may faithfully live together and may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made, and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according to Thy laws; through Jesus Christ our lord. Amen.
Unity Candle
¶ As the candle is let by the couple the Hymn is sung
Hymn
O Perfect Love, all human thought trancesending,
Lowly we kneel in prayer before Thy throne,
That theris may be the love which knows no ending
Whom Thou for evermore dost join in one.
O perfect Life, be Thou their full assurance
Of tender charity, and steadfast faith,
Of patient hope, and quiet brave endurance,
With childlike trust that fears nor pain nor death.
Grant them the joy which brightens eartly sorrow;
Grant them the peace which calms all earth’s rife;
And to life’s day the glorious unknown morrow
That dawns upon eternal love and life. Amen.[3]
Scripture
1Corinthians:13:4-8, 13
Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth with the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love never faileth. Now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
In addition to the scriptures, classical and contemporary literature provides many passages whose theme of love and marriage are appropriate for a Christian wedding.
Theme: Successful Family
COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE
The elements of communication are talking, listening and understanding.
Communication problems:
ILLUSTRATION
One of the key problems in communicating is making yourself understood. A placard frequently seen posted on office walls reads:
“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”[4]
We often do think we understand what our spouse is saying, but often what we heard is not what he/she means at all.
Someone has pointed out that man has one mouth and two ears and that this is probably a good indication of the fact that man has been designed to do more listening and less talking.
Young married couples should begin their life together by keeping open, at all costs, the lines of communication. However, it often happens that communication lines are down. These breaks in communication are often a result of one of two things:
1. Husband or wife not being able or willing to talk about what’s happening in his/her life.
2. Marriage partners not really listening when the other talks.
James 1:19 “...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (NIV)
“....It is best to listen much, speak little,......” (TLB)
Too many of us are ready talkers, but we have little or no desire to listen. Yet one of the keys to a successful marriage is wanting to hear your spouse out. This will help to build your spouse’s self-esteem. (A person’s self-esteem is his overall judgement of himself - how much he likes his particular person). When a spouse’s self-esteem is high, he/she will feel important, wanted and loved and as a result will be a better marriage partner..
Effective Listening/....
Strong communication lines can only exist where there is real listening. Listening intently with one’s mouth shut (except for responding periodically to show that you are indeed listening) is a basic communication skill needed in marriage.
Think about your own communication habits.
- Do you really listen to your spouse?
- How much of what is said by your spouse do you hear?
THE POWER OF WORDS
Words can and do hurt a person.
Words can help or harm a partner; heal or wound; build up or break down.
Ephesians 4:29 “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you “ (GNB)
Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (NASB)
You can help your partner experience life by using the right words and so build his/her self-esteem or you can be responsible for causing death in your partner to the extent that he/she feels utterly worthless and withdraws into a shell.
Job 19:2 “How long are you going to trouble me, and try to break me with your words?” (TLB)
Think before you speak
Husbands and wives should not just blurt out whatever they are thinking or feeling.
Proverbs 29:20 “Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (NI V)
The Christian partner is able, through the grace of God and the strength which the Holy Spirit gives us, to choose words that are kind and suitable for the time and purpose. For,
“if you want a happy, good life, keep control of your tongue, and guard your lips...” (TLB)
Wait for the right time
Let love be your guide as to where and when you share bad news or discuss a difficult subject with your partner. E.g. Sharing bad news with your spouse first thing in the morning when he/she wakes up would put a definite damper on your spouse’s day. Speaking the right words at the right time will enhance dialogue between you and your spouse.
Proverbs 25:11 “Timely advice is as lovely as golden apples in a silver basket” (NASB)
Proverbs 15:23 “How wonderful it is to say the right thing at the right time” (NASB)
TAMING THE TONGUE
James 3: 1-12
Jas 3:1 Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.
Jas 3:2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
Jas 3:3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.
Jas 3:4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.
Jas 3:5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
Jas 3:6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
Jas 3:7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man,
Jas 3:8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Jas 3:9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.
Jas 3:10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
Jas 3:11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?
Jas 3:12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
Verse 3-4 Husbands and wives can steer their marriage in the direction they want it to go! Christian couples should guard their tongues so that their marriages may be steered in the direction that will bring glory to God.
Verse 5 Marriage can be irreparably damaged through one remark or continual criticism, insults or blaming one another.
Verse 8 James continues to highlight the difficulty of taming the tongue. Every spouse must work hard at controlling his/her tongue so that it becomes a gentle organ, full of praise and blessing rather than a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
SEEK TO UNDERSTAND
When husbands and wives become concerned about their partner’s interests and ideas and not just their own, they will be making great strides towards understanding each other.
Seeking to understand your mate will build his/her worth, dignity and value. (Also do your best to speak in such a way that your partner can understand what you are saying.) Amen
Benediction
The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with us all. Amen.
Presentation of the Couple
"May I be the first to introduce Mr. and Mrs. _______" the pastor say this as the couple faces the congregation.
Participation of the Congregation
A wedding is not a private act. Even when it is small, a group gathers to signify their support and to add their blessing. A wedding in our church involves a congregation of people who, in a sense, surround you with Christian love. It must be understood that a Christian Wedding is not a performance or a show, it is an act of worship by God’s people. Thus it is appropriate to include those gathered for the service as more than merely onlookers. This can be done through the singing of hymns, or more specifically through a litany or response in which those gathered add their affirmation of your marriage covenant. Those who love you appreciate having an opportunity in worship to somehow speak or show this love, beyond just attending and bringing a gift
Worship Order Prepared By: Ajay Varghese, BD II
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